One of the most terrifying moments for the Israelites was when they faced the immense sea and had the Pharaoh’s army behind them. It must have been truly terrifying – knowing that there is no escape, knowing that the inevitable is about to happen and they can do nothing about it. The liberated slaves were about to be taken back by a cruel master.
Well, that’s where I am. In the middle of nothing and with no escape out of that nothing! And it’s terrifying! All my fears rise up like giants and that is everything there is – me with the giants in the middle of a desert with no escape and no chances of survival. The strong hand of a cruel master, fear, is about to reclaim me. Disappointment, discouragement, fear of the future, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough for you to fulfil your plan with me… Those are some of the giants, and the last one is truly a Goliath, a Leviathan who is growing day by day. And I am no David to defeat my giants… On the contrary, I fraternize with them. But not because I really want that, but they are the only companions when you keep silent like a mouse.
Why do you keep silent? Why won’t you say something?
… at least if this Leviathan was to be a fantasy, but it’s not. It is tangible and completely real because it’s based on the certainty that God has called me to do something and I see that it’s not happening. Have I failed? Have you abandoned me? Am I still good for something? Am I still good enough for you to make your plan with me a reality?
And still… in spite of the impossible, you have split the sea for the Israelites to pass, in spite of the improbable David defeated Goliath, and the most fierce creature ever made by you, the Leviathan, is no more than a myth now.
I am in an impossible state, surrounded by many giants who feed daily on my fears, but you are a God of the impossible, and I trust in you. I pray that you do your work through me. I am at your disposal; for life or for death, it doesn’t matter! Let your will be done!